Tuesday, December 25, 2012

My quotes for the year past - 2012

Given below are some of the quotes I gave in Facebook this year. Re-publishing here solely for the fulfillment of humanity and posterity...gravely, solemnly. 

* When I told my boss last week that the world was going to end on 21st December, he immediately convened a meeting and asked all of us - to complete our pending files immediately!
           All that hard work gone to waste. The world still lives; so do we. :-( (Only my boss has a smug smile on his face today!)

 (Dec 21) 

* In any place, other than Kerala, a 30-year old socialist is a very improbable thing.
(Dec 17)

* Alcohol has its uses: it burns well in rockets. While some drunks think they act like rockets, few have been observed to reach an altitude of more than the floor.
           (Oh and this is by Ron Hubbard... I'd never say anything like this ;-))

(Dec 15)

* I don't want a job... I want a journey!
(Dec 14)

* Now I know who Left Wing Extremists are - they are the crazy drivers in Mumbai who ride, drive and overtake only through the extreme left side! And also they shout extreme abuses while doing so!
            And the colour red electrifies them - especially the red in traffic signals. When they see red they actually increase speed and jump them. Its like the signal for battle - 'chalo chalo!'

(Sep 28)

* I want to be born again
I want to be 'Don' again...

(Sep 9)

* ഓരോ ദിവസത്തെയും ജോലി കഴിഞ്ഞു self-appraisal ചെയ്യണം എന്നാണ് മേലാളന്മാരുടെ പുതിയ ഉത്തരവ്. അതുകൊണ്ട് ഇപ്പോള്‍ ദിവസവും ജോലി കഴിഞ്ഞു തിരിച്ചു വീട്ടിലെത്തുമ്പോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ സ്വന്തമായി തോളില്‍ തട്ടി പറയും "സബാഷ് ഡോണ്‍... സബാഷ് !!" ;-)
(July 20)

* ഹിന്ദി വിക്കീപ്പീഡിയ വായിച്ചപ്പോള്‍ കേരളത്തെപ്പറ്റി ഇങ്ങനെ എഴുതിയിരിക്കുന്നു - കേരളം ഇന്ത്യയുടെ ഒരു 'പ്രാന്താ'ണത്രെ ( केरल भारत का एक प्रान्त है ) !! സത്യമെന്നല്ലാതെ എന്തു പറയാന്‍! ;-)
(Jun 23)

* I have gone back to watching Doordarshan for the news. When first the private channel news had come, it was exciting with the discussions and debates. Now it is only views and half baked stories instead of news. Good old doordarshan. DD News even has got a golden globe instead of the old blue one. Cool!
(June 2)

* The biggest problem about proposing to a girl is ... what if she says 'yes'??
(April 16)   

Brevity is definitely wit

These days no one has time to read big news articles. However journalists/editors have the tendency of reducing news to tiny bits that actually end up having undesired results.

For example, last day there was this news in the front page of a national daily:

"Attack on Airtel office:Two suicide bombers attacked the offices of Airtel and MTN in Kano, Nigeria, on Saturday. Only the duo was killed."

The last line actually made me laugh. What a bungling pair of terrorists! Now I am certain the paper's intent was not to evoke laughter on such a serious incident. But that was the end result.

Long back when the newspapers were still in its infancy, news used to come in bits and pieces because there weren't so many pages for filling in the details. I wonder if it produced the same comic effect back then. Here's an example of a funny last line from a 1921 UK newspaper:

"Divorce details may shock women jurors: Six women made legal history today when they were sworn in as the first female jurors ever to sit on a Divorce Court jury. The only tricky moment came when some abominable and beastly letters and pictures had to be shown to the jury. It was feared that they would terrify an unmarried woman, so the jury decided that only the men should see them. The women agreed not to look."

I mean the whole news is funny when you read it in this age ("beastly and abominable" letters?? hehehe) but the last line is especially funny.

P.S. - Brevity does have its uses, I admit. Did you know that the title Adolf Hitler first gave for his famous autobiography, Mein Kampf (My Struggle), was "Four and a Half Years of Struggle Against Lies, Stupidity and Cowardice". I wonder whether the book would have been a best-seller with such a long title!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

A Story Forgotten

One day, in a village where everyone forgot everything, a young man was walking through a lane whose name he had forgotten, to a place he had forgotten. He had forgotten how to reach there. In his hand he held a piece of paper. He had forgotten what was written in the piece of paper. It was to be delivered to someone, but to whom he had forgotten. He couldn't remember whether he had written it himself or was it delivered to him. The young man was being followed by two people who had forgotten why they were following him. Upon realizing he was being followed, he turned a corner and entered a park. He saw three people sitting in the grass - a young woman with an old couple. Seeing her he threw the piece of paper behind her and walked ahead. But when he took a few steps he forgot he had thrown it away. Since he had already forgotten where he was going or why, he stood there perplexed trying to think why he was there. The two men who were following him forgot they were following him and walked right past him. He also did not identify them since he had forgotten them. The young woman, who had forgotten why she was sitting in the park, had seen him throw the piece of paper. She picked it up and she read it. She immediately got up and walked towards him. By then she had forgotten the old couple. She forgot what was written in the paper. She forgot what she came to say to him. She looked at him and he looked at her and they forgot everything else for the rest of their lives.